Current:Home > reviewsHave you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. -Wealth Momentum Network
Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single.
View
Date:2025-04-18 07:21:09
Do you find yourself always going on dates, and, no matter who you meet, feeling like there's someone out there who could check off more of the boxes you want in a partner?
If so, you might be "relation-shopping."
"Relation-shoppers" have a long list of rigid standards they want in a partner, but their requirements aren't always necessities. As a result, they have a hard time feeling satisfied with the person they're dating and, similar to "dating maximizers," constantly wonder if there's someone out there who could be better suited for them.
Dating experts say it's a problem exacerbated by dating apps and social media, which give people the illusion of limitless romantic possibilities. Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," has warned against relation-shopping on Instagram, where she defined it as searching for a partner "like we'd shop for new shoes."
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says looking for love with this mentality is sure to spell disaster.
"You're setting yourself up for not feeling fulfilled and satisfied in your dating life," she says. "If you don't know what your end goal looks like, it's hard to know when to stop."
Why do people 'relation-shop'?
Online dating gets a bad rap for numerous reasons, including encouraging relation-shopping. With filters for height, advanced degrees and more, dating apps can put people in a mentality of looking for qualities in a partner like checking off items on a grocery list.
Plus, if you do meet a great person, dating apps with a sea of potential matches will probably make you wonder if you can do better.
"I am genuinely a fan of online dating," Anderson says. "It's a great way to get in front of more people, but dating apps and social media definitely exacerbate this problem."
Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story," says dating apps don't deserve all the relation-shopping blame. After all, this has always been a problem, she says, and the real root of it is people not getting clear with themselves about what qualities actually matter to them in a partner from the get-go.
"It's not simply the availability of all of the options that makes people play the field," she says. "It's more that a lot of people are dating today without any clarity, without any intention."
'The ick' is all over TikTok.It may be ruining your chance at love.
How to go from relation-shopping to a relationship
Think you might be a relation-shopper? Here are some tips to move beyond it:
- Pause on swiping while you explore current matches: "Once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling," Anderson says.
- Outline your deal-breakers: Anderson recommends writing out three lists for yourself: What you must have in a partner, what would be nice to have in a partner and what you want to avoid. "You only want to focus on traits that will matter for you multiple years from now, assuming you're looking for a long-term partner," she says.
- Investigate where your dating lists come from: "It's like having a shopping list: 'He needs to be 6-feet tall or taller and make this much money and have this car, live here and be this educated,' " Hoffman says. "A lot of times that list doesn't actually align with what we want. That list was passed down to us. That list was seen in a romcom or read in a fairytale."
- Work on yourself: If you're not satisfied with your matches, try fixing up your profile or dating skills. "I like to help people improve their dating app profiles, improve their conversation skills, teach them how to flirt and generally make them a more attractive partner," Anderson says.
- Set boundaries around dating apps: "Don't be using it all day, every day," Anderson says. "That might mean 10 or 15 minutes of use a day. And then once you have matched with and you're chatting with a few people, don't keep swiping, because it's really easy to fall into almost a social media mindset of just endless swiping and scrolling."
- Accept that no one will check off every box: "There's always going to be something that could be a little bit better about somebody you're dating," Anderson says. "So if you are constantly feeling like you need to find the perfect person, you're setting yourself up for never finding them."
Is 'the spark' a red flag?Sometimes. Experts say look for this in a relationship instead
veryGood! (1)
Related
- All That You Wanted to Know About She’s All That
- More than 1,600 migrants arrive on Spanish Canary Islands. One boat carried 320 people
- Prominent German leftist to launch a new party that could eat into far-right’s support
- JAY-Z weighs in on $500,000 in cash or lunch with JAY-Z debate: You've gotta take the money
- House passes bill to add 66 new federal judgeships, but prospects murky after Biden veto threat
- Northern Soul is thriving across the UK thanks to Gen Z looking to dance
- Tanzania signs a controversial port management deal with Dubai-based company despite protests
- Chargers’ Justin Herbert melts under Chiefs pressure in loss at Kansas City
- Opinion: Gianni Infantino, FIFA sell souls and 2034 World Cup for Saudi Arabia's billions
- See the Moment Paris Hilton Surprised Mom Kathy With Son Phoenix in Paris in Love Trailer
Ranking
- The Grammy nominee you need to hear: Esperanza Spalding
- At least 4 dead after storm hits northern Europe
- Quick genetic test offers hope for sick, undiagnosed kids. But few insurers offer to pay.
- Swift bests Scorsese at box office, but ‘Killers of the Flower Moon” opens strongly
- Biden administration makes final diplomatic push for stability across a turbulent Mideast
- These six NBA coaches are on the hot seat, but maybe not for the reasons you think
- Diana Nyad marks anniversary of epic Cuba-Florida swim, freeing rehabilitated sea turtle in the Keys
- Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes Are the Real MVPs for Their Chiefs Game Handshake
Recommendation
Trump wants to turn the clock on daylight saving time
Chevron buys Hess for $53 billion, 2nd buyout among major producers this month as oil prices surge
A Texas-sized Game 7! Astros, Rangers clash one final time in ALCS finale
'Super fog' causes multi-car pileup on Louisiana highway: Police
Highlights from Trump’s interview with Time magazine
Zombie Hunter's unique murder defense: His mother created a monster
Detroit police say they’ve identified several people of interest in synagogue president’s killing
Coach keeps QB Deshaun Watson on sideline as Browns upend Colts: 'I wanted to protect him'